A follow-up to What to do in tech after 20 years?*
Two years ago, I was between a rock and a hard place, thinking about what I should do with my...
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Great to have folks with so much experience contributing to the community and having the energy to do some of these challenges. It really does help keep you connected and help other folks learn from you experience.
I'm very much on team anti-"ai", but beyond the boring stuff that I can do in my sleep, I've committed myself to my full-on range of neurodivergence - I'm AuDHD - and I'm just rolling with that hacker mindset.
Current things I'm working on:
Of course baking/cooking. It's engineering with ingredients! 😉
I can tell you that ASD burn out is real, but also that riding the chaos rocket is the way that I keep my own sanity.
There are two options in life:
But make sure you get that joy and fulfillment!
22 years is a long time and the fact that you're asking what am I doing? instead of just coasting says a lot about you.
Most people would just keep doing what they've always done. You're pausing. Re-evaluating. That takes courage.
I haven't been in tech as long as you, but I've felt that moment where the thing that used to excite you starts feeling different. Not bad. Just different. Like the fuel changed and no one told you.
Whatever you choose next whether it's deeper into tech, adjacent to tech, or completely away those 22 years aren't wasted. They're just the foundation.
Would love to hear what you're leaning toward.
Thanks for sharing this. 🙌
I love a good rant blog.
I've always struggled a bit with being a developer whose hobbies mostly existed away from the computer. Sure, I enjoy video games, but over the years I've really acknowledged that I don't want to sit at my desk outside of work hours. I don't even really want to open my computer on the weekends anymore. So to hear you say the "creativity doesn't only go into the code anymore" and talk about learning how to really cook makes me feel like we are both heading to the same middle ground, just from different directions.
I started getting into stained glass. But that's partially because I was already cooking, though recently that's lost a bit of appeal.
I haven't been in tech quite as long as you have, but I think I'll keep trying new things and seeing what brings me joy.
having a hobby that isn't related to tech is important these days. I was talking to a chef today, in the restaurant I usually eat after going to the therapist, it's cool how cooking and coding can be so similar.
This was really honest to read.
The part about creativity not being gone but just buried under burnout hits hard. A lot of people mistake “I can’t create anymore” for “I’m done,” when it’s actually exhaustion and noise taking over.
Also liked your take on AI — not magic, not a replacement, just a tool that helps you keep going when energy isn’t always there. That “junior dev you review” framing is probably the most accurate way to look at it.
The shift from chasing passion to doing things that simply feel meaningful or enjoyable feels like the real evolution here.
Curious — do you feel like writing played the biggest role in bringing that clarity back, or was it more the combination of things over time?
Hey, thanks for the comment. About the writing part, I love reading, and I have always loved telling stories, teaching people, sharing my knowledge with others. Writing is a way.
As a person on the spectrum, talking sometimes is complex. Am I being clear? Will the person receive it with the same emotion as I'm trying to convey? And so on. When I write, I don't have these thoughts.
Really appreciate you sharing that.
That part about writing removing the “am I being clear?” pressure makes a lot of sense. It’s interesting how the medium itself can unlock expression, not just the intent.
Feels like writing isn’t just a way of sharing for you, but also a way of thinking without interference.
Kind of explains why your posts hit the way they do.
Great post! Nice to hear about someone else's struggles. I'm in a somewhat similar situation but just starting to figure it out. I'm closing in on 22 years as a professional software engineer and suffering a great deal of burnout.
A large part of that is the push for higher income led me into a Fortune 500 company that exposed me to previously incomprehensible depths of dysfunction. Like, seriously. I don't think anyone who hasn't been at a company like this (if there are any others that are actually this fucked up) can possibly understand how bad a tech company (or really, just a tech division of a much larger non-tech company) can be.
I have survived several rounds of layoffs but I am quite sure that I will be shown the door soon enough. Knowing your job is going to end for over six months is a mind-fuck. The typical response would be to suggest that I jump ship and find something more sane. But here's the thing: I am 61 and managed to negotiate my way into a very good rate... like $60k higher than my previous role. That started in early 2023 just as the bottom fell out and rates dropped precipitously. I have done some interviews but they have all been for at least $30k less. That is probably worth it for my sanity but I also didn't save as hard as I should have until later in life. I need to sock away as much as possible at this point. So walking away from the prime cheddar has been a non-starter. (Going forward I am going to be much more flexible... assuming I can get hired.)
On top of this, I have come to understand that untreated ADHD can lead to actual physical issues. I had some pretty severe symptoms last winter from low dopamine. Luckily I reached out to my doctor about this (something that was very hard for me to do) and we're working on figuring out a fix. It seems like there is something else in the mix other than ADHD though. Let's just say I learned a new word: "Anhedonia; the reduced ability to experience pleasure or a diminished interest in previously enjoyed activities". My later adult life has been a whittling down of things that I enjoy to the point where there is almost nothing.
Bringing this back to coding, I'm basically given nothing to do at my job (how is that for dysfunctional?) and I have been finding it very hard to get motivated to work on any of my own projects. Your post resonated with me because I have pretty much zero ideas for software projects. In my case though, I think that has been going on for quite a long time. I remember just a few years into my career, I moved to Honolulu to work for a startup and soon after experienced my first symptoms of what my doctor at the time called "ennui". I wound up getting tested for ADHD there and had a borderline case. I was on meds for a bit but failed to restart them when I moved back to the mainland.
I then worked for another startup for over a decade and thought that my disconnect with coworkers was because I was older. I've come to understand that that may have been part of it, but I'm also just very different from most humans. I have never found most of the things that most humans are super excited about (sports, religion, rituals, accumulating stuff, travel, etc.) even remotely interesting.
Really, I should be tested for ASD as well as retested for ADHD. It's great that American society has started to understand and (maybe) embrace neurodivergence... but I feel like the tech industry is one sector where there is still some resistance. They pay lip service to accommodations but the interview process is all about finding ideal, type A cogs. Interviewing has always been rough for me but it is even worse now. I think there is rampant ageism and it is very demoralizing to be treated like a scammy liar (at least, a 21-year programming resumé doesn't seem to mean much).
Bottom line is that I'm actually questioning if I even want to try to find another software engineering job. Oh, and said job would hardly be the same anyway with the proliferation of LLM coding tools. I've always considered myself a builder rather than an algorithmic nerd. I hate puzzles. I just want to put together interesting and efficient systems that do neat stuff... even if I don't actually get anything out of the stuff they do. So being able to crank out apps in record time should be exciting to me. But again, no ideas. Also, I worked my way into feeling like a solid and compassionate craftsman in a respectable niche (Elixir). Abandoning coding conventions and ideals for the sake of speed is horrifying to me. But maybe I'm just a relic.
Anyway, the next six months should be interesting. I am likely to see some big changes in my life, one way or another. Thanks again for the thought-provoking post. I hope my sharing of my experiences helps someone and isn't just incoherent rambling of an old man.
postscript: re-reading this before posting I realize it may sound like I'm just a bad programmer. I'm not. I can always figure things out and I write good, easily understandable and maintainable code. I don't argue or fight with coworkers and I am helpful and supportive of others. I know I have done great work over my career and I know I can keep doing that. But the gatekeeping is insane.
I think you are on a right path. I also like the dev.to community, which is also help me to live peace with my - not so standard mindset. I am a bit earlier started IT. But now finally I reach a state where I can describe my core mental model - which is also a big help.
what has become of passion? ask yourself the same way you would question a marriage. passion becomes a ritual, a routine, you know what to do, when to act and how, no surprises, many folks may be totally accepting that and even call it arrival... but IMHO we just have to face the fact that the industry itself doesnt have a soul. Every engineer should be aware. whether we use AI or not, if the project is soulless, theres nothing we can do, except abandon the job ASAP as time is money. When you have lost your passion those are indicators of low-key burnout even if you keep going. I completely stopped thinking in terms of career, because that will render one always dependent. Of course in this business we can not be so picky on jobs and just to ball it, thats normal almost everyone successful does compromise at times. But when the passion is gone, there are underlying subtler reasons, technology alone doesnt make one happy. It is not the TB amount of data, but what importance those hold. I am a technocrat too, but a part of me is very critical and even anti technology. We must give a meaning to our life, a bigger picture that makes us strive, a ground where passion can actually thrive and evolve and produce meaningful results... only then technology has a chance to serve us instead of us becoming servants of the tech industry, creating nonsense products and schedules just for keeping us busy.
I can definitely relate. I left corporate IT in 2015 and moved into sales, and let’s just say I have a lot of respect for people who love sales, because it was not for me. It only took me five years to figure that out. Different industries do not mean different job, it just means you are trying to sell a different widget.
My wife and I also run an event production business, where I’ve always been the IT/developer/“figure it out” guy behind the scenes. For years it was seasonal, but this year we had eight events, so I’ve basically been working two full-time jobs for the last five months.
I’m now in year three of teaching high school Computer Science, and while it’s not terrible, it has definitely been more draining than year one. So, when you mentioned creativity fading, that hit home. I used to feel full of ideas, and lately it feels more like trying to put a fresh shine on the same old ones.
Thankfully, our last show is next week, so there’s a little light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah, and it's kinda crazy when you leave the "corporate life" and discover that you need to have a lot of soft skills to live as a freelancer/consulting person.
I lived a softer version of this last year. Six months stuck on a side project, mostly because I was iterating on the same screens instead of letting users hit them. The unblock wasn't more code, it was forcing one weekly release cycle even when nothing felt finished. After 850 commits the project ships every week now (TAMSIV, voice task manager) and the boredom dissolved as soon as the feedback loop closed. Curious if your shift includes a forced cadence too, or just permission to wander again?
the rant post was the right call. the ones that start from frustration usually have more real signal than the polished career retrospectives.